Overwhelmed!

Kidwise: I'm late in writing about things again. So, I'll be back posting to catch up on what I want to record. 3's Birthday. 5 learned to ride his bike. Our Tye-Dye experience (now that the kids are into dye...I'll have to buy some bare yarn.) Our veggie garden for this year. Our butterflies hatched, and we're watching ladybugs grow now. We've been busy.

Knitwise:

• I started Rosa's socks to take to piano lessons as my Clappy was too messy to travel with. I forgot to adjust the stitch order on the needles before starting the heel...so when I went to rejoin the stitches on the top of the foot I was off. I could have left it, but then I'd have to make the other sock a mirror. I frogged back. Now I have to start the heel flap again.
  
• I'm almost there with my Clappy. I did miss the KAL deadline though. I should be done before Mother's Day...so maybe this is a present to me.
• I CO for an afghan this weekend. It says that it can be knit in 10 hours. Not likely for me, but I am widening by 2 repeats since the pattern was for a throw size. I'm knitting this in Paton's Divine Icicle White (the yarn called for in the pattern). I'm hoping that I can finish this for M's cousin's wedding in June. It should be doable...as long as I can stay focused.
  
• I gave up on my replacement #5 tip for my Little Sister set. They said they were sending one. I called back...now I've just given up. I bought a short #5 circ. so I can pick up my Square Cake again. If I had a dress to match...then I'd love to have this for me to carry at the wedding.

Blogwise: I think this OVERWHELMED thing runs deep. Another book I'm reading is Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. I need to create some space for me...for replenishing. When I started my blog, it was that. Now, for some reason...I find that instead of journaling 1x a day...I'm checking my email whenever I have a small break. It has lead me to try and cram more into each day. "Breaks in the day that used to be small windows of replenishment for body and soul - like driving in a car, going for a walk, having lunch with a friend- are now filled with noise, interruption, and multitasking." I'm going to try letting go of some of my multitasking. (I'm going to only check my email 1x a day). Much of my multitasking is inherent in being the mom of 3 little ones that are with me all. day. long. But, I want to find quietness for my spirit once again. I'm driven to perform. Thus the title SuperMom. I try to do it all. I feel that I am only worthwhile when I am achieving and doing. (WOW...that's hard to say out loud.) I want to let go of my expectations of myself. I want to play tag with my kids and not fear someone seeing my sticky kitchen floor (It's really bad right now, 3 spilled an entire bowl of watermelon...but she's napping, and I'm having a quiet time too...instead of mopping.) I also have "unresolved tension and toxicity from some relationships" I haven't felt free to extricate myself from them. Now, I'm giving myself the freedom to do that. When time with a friend is draining, then that friendship isn't worth it. It may just need some space. It may regrow. But, it may be gone forever. I have to be OK with that now. Because the toxicity has settled into deeper levels of my soul...and I'm exhausted. (Don't worry, if you're reading this...you're not the one who is toxic in my life. She doesn't know what's going on in my life at all. Her jealousy kept her from being happy for my successes. Her schedule kept her self-absorbed and distant...she's not been there for me as I've weathered this storm. (I read a bit ahead in the book...I would never have been able to put words to what I was feeling.) So, I'm moving on. I need to give my soul room to breathe. In another chapter that I glimpsed at...Ruth talks about gardening. This touched me especially as we planted our tomatoes and squash this weekend. We also spruced up some corners of the yard with annuals. You know how those little 6-packs come so root bound that there's hardly a thimbleful of dirt remaining. And the roots are creeping out the holes at the bottom...striving for some nutrients. Then the gardener loosens the knotted roots...and gives the plant a much larger space to grow and flourish in. That's me right now. My soul needs some WIDE. OPEN. SPACE. I'm ever so thankful for the Gardener in my life. And...I'm so thankful that it's almost summer. I really need a break from the busyness of this school year.

Goodness...it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I guess I needed to get all that out. I would maybe worry about what people reading this might think. Except, there are some posts that I've read lately that renewed my HOPE. So, don't look at my sticky floor. Look at my garden. This is one of those plants I freed from a 6-pack.